


Long Overdue

by vix_spes



Series: Who Says Double-0's Have All The Fun [4]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies), James Bond (Movies), James Bond - All Media Types
Genre: BAMFs, Established Relationship, Friendship, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 07:00:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18846004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vix_spes/pseuds/vix_spes
Summary: Bond returns to MI6 to find Q missing, although not for the reason that he suspected.





	Long Overdue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mightypretty](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mightypretty/gifts).



Tanner and Q being sent off to take care of missions that were above the paygrade of standard agents but requiring considerably more subtlety and finesse than the double-0 department were capable of had become something of a regular occurrence. As M had suggested, Q had worked closely and extensively with medical and had managed to create something that tamped down his aviophobia but left him cognisant enough to work. As such, Bond didn’t completely panic when a quick scan of the Executive Offices revealed no sign of Tanner and there was no sign of him - or Q - in Q-branch. Come to think of it, there was no sign of R either - something which was unheard of if Q were absent. And then, even stranger, he realised that the atmosphere of Q-branch didn’t feel like it did.

Spinning around, Bond made for Q’s office and saw immediately that there was no sign of Q’s favourite mug or the little beds and box of toys that he kept there for Turing and Ada. Combine that with the fact that Q-branch had reverted to how it had been in the days of Boothroyd - silence and minions in dull, monochrome business attire - and all was not well in the state of Q-branch.

Bond grabbed the nearest minion - #5, the one who Alec normally picked to traumatise and who thus spent a lot of time rocking in the corner - and demanded to know where Q was.

“Q is not in department today.”

That immediately set alarm bells ringing. The minions didn’t refer to Q as Q unless something was wrong; they tended to refer to him as Supreme Overlord.

Seizing the quaking minion by the shirt collar, Bond retraced his steps back up to the Executive Offices. He needed answers and he needed them now. This was not the homecoming that he had anticipated. His annoyance was compounded when, upon arrival, there was no sign of Moneypenny at her desk and no-one answered M’s door, irrespective of the number of times that Bond pounded on it. With no other option, Bond had to resort to pacing up and down until M arrived. As he did so, minion #5 did what he did best. 

~*~

He was waiting for nearly two hours before M walked out of the lifts, the ever efficient Miss Moneypenny at his side. Bond barely let him set foot on the executive floor before he was there, hand wrapped around the perfect Windsor knot of M’s tie.

“Where the hell have you been?”

M disentangled Bond’s fingers from around his neck, straightening the knot, his voice perfectly calm and even. “Do remember who you're talking to, Bond. I don't have to divulge my whereabouts to you but, for your information, I've been at meetings in Europe, then I was stuck at Chequers with the ghastly woman for the last few days and then summoned by Her Majesty this morning.”

“How is Liz?”

M was silent for a long term and only replied grudgingly. “The Queen sends her best to Q and yourself. Honestly, I don't think I'll ever understand why she likes you.”

“My good looks and charming personality? My wit? The fact that I've saved her life on four separate occasions and that of England countless times?”

“Yes, yes. Was there a reason that you were skulking about outside my office and who is that?”

“Where's Q?”

“In Q-branch.”

“Try again. What classified destination have you packed him and Tanner off to?”

“I have no idea what you're talking about. Now that you're back, almost every single double-0 in the programme is on British soil and both Tanner and Q should be in the building. And who the hell is that?”

“They're not in the building. R is on holiday and _that_ is Minion #5.”

M looked the minion - who was, unsurprisingly, rocking back and forth in the corner - up and down with dawning horror. “Moneypenny, call in every double-0 who's in London and tell Trevelyan his suspension is cancelled. I want to know where the rest of my bloody executive team are.” 

(~*~)

Moneypenny was as efficient as ever. Within thirty minutes, M’s office was - once again - full to the brim with double-0 agents. R had been recalled from her holiday and the most senior minion had been summoned. That wasn’t saying a lot as minion #1 had a tendency to hide behind furniture when they got nervous. The number of double-0’s in the room, not to mention the way that Alec was caressing his beloved Makarov pistol, had them eyeing M’s desk longingly in seconds. To give them their due though, they answered M’s questions with only a few whimpers.

That being said, the information that they could give was hardly much. A team had appeared in Q-branch at the beginning of the week and, as they had clearance and ID that checked out, nobody had questioned it. Two days ago, a memo had been sent out that stated Q-branch had adopted a new dress code of business attire and anyone flouting it would be duly disciplined. This morning, neither Q nor Tanner had arrived for work, but the well-trained minions had ensured that everything ran smoothly as normal.

“Can you access the sub-dermals on Q and Tanner from here?” Minion #5 quaked but nodded, “then do it. The rest of you, I want you ready to go when they're found and, in the meantime, I want to know who this team are and where the hell they came from to have clearance for Q-branch.”

“A-hem.”

The sound of a throat being cleared behind them had every single double-0 whirling around with their weapons drawn. Even M had drawn his side-arm, the one that he officially wasn't supposed to have. They were not expecting to be greeted by the incongruous sight of a rather dumpy, middle-aged woman wearing a twinset and pearls.

“Who the hell are you and how did you get in here?”

“My name is Jean Walsh and I am with the Ministry of Defence. My colleague here is Charles Barrett with MI5.”

“And what has that got to do with anything?”

“Mr Barratt and I were brought in to conduct a long overdue appraisal of executive staff at MI6. As a result of our findings, your Quartermaster and Mr Tanner have been suspended pending investigation.”

“On what grounds?”

M's growl could hardly be heard over the unhappy grumblings of the double-0’s and the unmistakable click of safetys being removed and guns being cocked.

“Let's see, shall we. Mr Tanner consuming intoxicants during work hours. Flagrant disregard for protocol on both accounts. Inappropriate behaviour in branch from both men, renditions of Shakespeare, I believe? Q-branch looks more like a student’s union than a division of MI6 and that's without taking the cats into account. Then there is the abuse of power involved in an executive having a relationship with a subordinate, not to mention abusing government property with further inappropriate behaviour of a sexual nature.”

Bond got more than a few slaps on the back and elbows to the ribs at that; the fact that Bond and Q had frequent phone sex over the comms was well-known, as was the fact that they had christened most of MI6 with their liaisons.

And then there was that little cough again, changing the whole atmosphere of the room, ratcheting up the tension. “There are still a number of files that we need to look through.”

“Of course. My personal assistant, Miss Moneypenny, will show you to one of the conference rooms that and she will remain at your disposal for the duration of your time here.” As he spoke, M fixed Moneypenny with a look that communicated his desire that she keep an eye on these people. To make sure that they didn’t disrupt MI6 anymore than they had already. They watched as Moneypenny ushered them out of the room and towards the conference rooms, giving them a bit of privacy. The second that the two of them were out of sight, M turned on the hapless minion. “Well? Have you found them?”

“They're, umm. Well, they're in the Black Dog, sir.”

There was a shocked silence followed by a few snickers. The Black Dog was a pub on the outskirts of the Vauxhall Pleasure Gardens and about a five-minute walk from MI6. When Bond had started out as an agent, it had been a dive; the food was terrible, the barmaids couldn’t serve a proper pint without a three-inch head, people did coke in the toilets and your feet stuck to the floor. And then gentrification had hit London. Now, it attracted tourists and locals alike. Your feet no longer stuck to the floor, the menu changed seasonally and there were four different craft beers on tap.

M sighed loudly and sheathed his side-arm. “Anyone for a pint?”

 

~*~

They may have all been dressed in either street clothes or suits, but the double-0’s and M made for a rather intimidating sight as they walked down Albert Embankment towards the Black Dog. They spotted Q and Tanner the second that they walked in. The table in front of them was littered with empty glasses and the remains of lunch, Tanner chuckling away as Q gesticulated wildly to emphasise whatever he was saying. And then they were spotted.

“James!”

Making his way over quickly, Bond accepted the enthusiastic kiss from Q, who only pulled back when he spotted M.

“M!”

“Sir!”

“Gentlemen…”

“We can explain everything.”

“I don’t need you to explain everything. Everything that woman told me, I was aware of already. I have no issue with it as long as you are able to continue doing your jobs to the same exemplary levels. What I want to know is how we’re – you – plan to rectify the problem.”

“We have a plan. We met someone in here last night…”

“What was his name? Alban? Adam?”

“Can’t remember. It’s not relevant though. Anyway, he’s something of a genius with computers – not as good as our Q – but still. He’s going to launch an attack on our systems while those people are there, and the minions will be unable to repel it completely. They’re good, but not as good as Q. these pen pushers will see that, they might not like our style but we’re bloody good and MI6 needs us.”

“Hmmm. And if it doesn’t work?”

“Then Fiona’s briefed to lose the paperwork at MI5.”

M nodded. “Well, I have to admit that I like that idea; it reassures me to know that your wife is on the case, Bill. Nevertheless, let’s work with what we’ve got and see if we can improve it.”

M took off his suit jacket and rolled up his shirt sleeves, taking a seat at the table. “Double-0’s, you’re dismissed. Bond, Trevelyan? Get the next round in, will you?”


End file.
